The Music Man II
by Angelo Braxton
Summary: The epic tale of Arnold Schwarzenegger's epic quest to find his stolen birthday cake.
1. The Adventure Begins

Harold Hill (AN: In this he is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) awoke one morning at exactly 5 AM. It wasn't like him to get up at such an early hour, intense giddiness had forced him into this. Today was a very special day for Harold. After all, it was his Birthday.

The calendar confirmed that it was indeed March 15, the forty-seventh anniversary of his birth. He immediately rushed downstairs. For this special occasion, he had picked out the biggest Birthday cake available from his local bakery.

"HEY HEY WHADDYA SAY, TODAY'S A VERY SPECIAL DAY, HEY HEY WHADDYA SAY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" he sang loudly, as characters from various musicals tend to do.

However, when he got downstairs, the birthday cake was..........................................................................................................................................GONE! .

Arnold immediately rushed to the phone, tears filling his eyes. He dialed his best friend's number: Tom Nook from Animal Crossing.

"Tom! Tom!" he wailed sexily into the phone, "Come over! Quick!"

Tom showed up (AN: In this he is played by Mark Wahlberg), wielding the plastic sword he would often use to play Dungeons and Dragons. "What is it, Arnold?" Mark yielded loudly.

"My birthday cake is gone!" Arnold roared.

Luckily for Arnold, Tom Nook had installed a series of video cameras throughout the house. He rushed to the video feed, immediately looking it over.

"Hm..." Tom Nook said, "It appears that your cake has been stolen by rats."

"RATS?!"

"Rats." Tom Nook concluded.

"Where'd they take it?" Arnold asked.

"There is only one way of knowing." Tom Nook said.

"TELL ME!"

"Okay, we can go to the Underground City of the Rodents, which is populated by rodents, and ask the overlord. He usually knows the activities of his subjects. It's very dangerous though."

"Why? Coz of the rats? Lol."

"How'd u know?"

"Nevermind. Where is this place?"

"In a really nasty movie theater," he said.

So they set off. But they had no idea what they were getting into. And so, the epic quest to retrieve Harold Hill's cake began.


	2. The Adventure Continues

It wasn't long before they arrived at the movie theater (AN: it was a rly ghetto movie theater so it was really gross and stuff). They crept along, afraid that some kind of animal would creep out from under the piles of garbage that littered the floor.

"LIONS AND TIGERS AND RATS, OH MY!" the two chanted as they plodded along.

"Harold," Tom Nook said, "I think I found the entrance to the Lost City of the Rodents."

It wuz a pile of grbge, ten fet hi undr a decayin starecaise. Above witch wuz a sign raeding, "DA LOST CITY OF DA RODENTS (AN: Rodents aren't very good spellers)." They slowly walked towards it, reading warning signs along the way, which were read loudly by Mark Wahlberg as they slowly crept along

"WARNING." Said the first.

"DON'T DO IT!" The second sign advised.

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO? DON'T IGNORE ME!"

"OH, OH! NOW YOU'RE GONNA IGNORE ME?!"

"YOU'RE CRUISING FOR A BRUISING!"

"I'LL GIVE YOU A GOOD OLD FASHIONED BEAT DOWN!"

"YO MOMMA SO FAT SHE WALKED IN FRONT OF THE TV AND I MISSED A WHOLE SEASON OF THE OFFICE!"

"THAT'S IT!! I'M GOING TO--" Mark Wahlberg was interrupted as a pair of ten foot long rats jumped out from under the pile and snatched them. They began their descent into the LOST CITY OF THE RODENTS.

When they arrived, a group of rodents were pointing plastic swords at them because A) they're too cheap to afford regular swords and B) this a children's movie, and anything which may even relatively relate to violence must be removed from the context. Anyways, Tom Nook was thrilled, "HEY! WANNA JOIN MY D&D GROUP, GUYS?!!" He shouted.

The giant rats marched them off to the Town Hall, where the Alpha Rat, who was surprisingly the size of a normal rat, sat. It was..................................................... PEREZ HILTON'S DOG.

"What is it that you desire?!!" The Alpha Rat shrieked.

"We need to know where your subjects took my birthday cake!" Cried Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"We do not know. My men were sent to get it and bring it to the rendezvous point, here, where it was handed off to Ugly Betty. We have no knowledge whatsover of where she took it."

"Thank you, anyways," Tom Nook said politely.

"What will we do now?!!" Arnold roared.

However, luck was in their favor and Ugly Betty had stepped in some red paint before making her escape, and left red footprints leading out of the Lost City of the Rodents. So, they began their pursuit after her!


	3. The Adventure Continues to Continue

Meanwhile, as Arnold and Tom Nook continued on their epic adventure, Mr. Dr. Professor Dirty Toenail (AN: he is played by Marilyn Manson and his stunt double is David Bowie) sat angrily in his yellow submarine underneath the waves.

There were several reasons he was angry. The first and foremost were that Harold Hill/Arnold and Tom Nook were advancing to the location of his stolen Birthday Cake.

He was also angry because it was three years until his birthday. You see, Mr. Dr Professor Dirty Toenail was born on leap day. Therefore, he only has a birthday once every four years. In order to get revenge on the universe for this cruel misfortune, he steals somebody's birthday cake every month for a non-birthday year to keep himself amused. He watches their progress on monitors mounted on the walls of his yellow submarine.

However, he was angry for another reason. Mr. Dr. Professor Dirty Toenail was ALWAYS angry. He hated the world because they refused to acknowledge him by his full name. Instead, they only called him Mr. Dirty Toenail. For this reason, he hijacked a Yellow Submarine and spent the rest of his life beneath the waves.

"Blast!" He shouted, as he watched Harold Hill and Tom Nook follow Ugly Betty's footprints out of the Lost City of the Rodents and onto the streets of New York.

At this rate, they were going to find the birthday cake which he had hidden in a secret chamber underneath a mall food court, the entrance to which he had hired an ill-tempered, dancing janitor to guard.

"BURGER KING!" Mr. Dr. Professor Dirty Toenail shouted angrily, and the Burger King marched in, wielding two Uzis and a massive sword on his back.

"KILL THEM!" Mr. Dr. Professor Dirty Toenail shrieked.

The Burger King nodded, hopping on his magical, rocket powered tricycle from the future and flying to the water's surface.


	4. Mr Dr Professor Dirty Toenail's Rise

Harold Hill and Tom Nook dashed after the bright red, luckily unfading footprints. Tom Nook was really smart and like a detective and stuff, so he was able to lead the way.

Then... all of the sudden... THE BURGER KING ATTACKED! He exploded from a pond in New York Central Park. His epic magic, rocket powered, laser equipped tricycle from the future went up to one bazillion jillion miles per hour, so he caught up to them fairly easily.

"RUN!" Mark Wahlberg screamed as he ran away.

"NO!" Arnold Schwarzenegger yelled sexily.

Luckily, he was wearing a blue shirt that day. The Burger King hates the color blue because, when he was a child, he went to see Blue Man Group and they flung food into his mother's mouth and she choked to death. To this day, The Burger King is racist against blue people (c? i deal wif some cereal issues in dis stoary).

Arnold ripped off his blue shirt sexily, waving it as though he was a matador.

The Burger King got angry and started firing his missiles. Just as he was about to press the button, Tom Nook ran over with a cardboard box that had shaken up soda strapped to the bottom. Arnold jumped in and they rocketed into space.

It was peaceful in space.

But just as they thought they lost the Burger King.............HE CAME OUT OF A WORMHOLE ON HIS MAGICAL TRICYCLE!

So, they had this really, really epic laser battle. And there were loads of explosions and stuff. And if I had been there, I would've gone, "Whoa, this is a really epic laser battle with loads of explosions and stuff!"

Finally, Harold Hill fired a massive laser beam and the Burger King's tricycle blew up to smithereens like on Star Wars. Then he fell to earth!

They chased his unconscious body and ended up in................... OZ!

Arnold Schwarzenegger started to panic since they couldn't find the Burger King. Then, all of the sudden.... MUCHKINS CAME OUT OF THE FOREST AND STARTED SINGING!

Arnold Schwarzenegger hates Munchkins because when he was six they carried his family off into the forest and he never saw them again.

To put the events that followed in layman's terms; he killed them all.


	5. We All Live in a ORANGE submarine?

Anrold nd Tom Nook went to a cornfield wher da muchkinds sed they saw mr burger kind land after he got shot down. Dey went up to his body. Then, they pulled off his mask nd saw tht it was (c did is whar da twist comes in).................. JAY LENO!!!!!

Every1 gasped.

But, they had to wake him up so they culd find out wher da birfday cake wuz. So they poured urine on him.

He woke up.

"WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN THE CAKE, YOU MEDIOCRE DUNCE!" Shrieked Arnold, slapping him rly hard.

"OUCH! YOU MEANIE MCGuIRE! I'll never tell you!"

Then he threw a Pokeball and charasaur came out breathing fire. Everyone gasped. Tom Nook used bulbaweed, since he knew that grass was a fire Pokemon's one wekness.

Dey fought 4 a while nd Tom Nook's pokeone one.

"K! ill tell u. lol!" said jay leno. "its in lord mr dr professor dirty toenails yellow submarine in da atlantic ocean!"

"thnx." Tom nook said.

So Harold Hill nd Tom Nook flew off and went to da atlantic ocean and fought big octopuses and stuff as dey went to da yellow submarine.

Den (c, dis is another twist) dey saw the yellow submarine. But it wasnt yellow... it was ..................... ORANGE!

dundundundudn nanjanallaladunuyna7nauna.


End file.
